What's going on behind the scenes



I thought it might be a good idea to write a blog post about what's going on behind the scenes here with me. Both to tell you guys about all the changes happening within me and for me to sift through all my thoughts a bit.
You might have noticed there's been a lot of changes in my business and it might seem a bit like it's all cobwebs and loose sand. I totally understand that, and it's both true and not true. As I'm sure everybody is sick of hearing it and saying it by now, this past year has been a shake-up. For all of us. It's uprooted most of us, turned our lives and view of reality upside down. For me, I've already explained that I'm priviliged to have been safe this whole time and that thanks to my love's income I've been able to retreat into my home to shelter from this invisible danger. I have been seeing this pandemic situation as a cosmic, karmic 'event' (it's really an ongoing situation of course), for humanity to learn to re-evaluate, well, everything really: our personal lives, our work, our relationship with the planet and its inhabitants, our political systems, our social systems. As they say, a crisis is a terrible thing to waste (nevermind that in my country it seems like we are, hmpf, no lessons seem to be being learned, so I'm fully expecting more of this upheaval to come in the coming decades), and that has been my unofficial motto in the past year and several months.
As I've said before, it put my business plans, and my whole business as it was, really, on pause. And I started realising that there were things that needed changing, and I have been. But in the past few months I have been feeling that those changes still weren't enough. And I think I finally know why.
I actually hadn't found my true life path, my true soul purpose yet, but I feel I have now. That's quite a claim to make, huh? I'll explain (to you and myself, ha!) as best as I can at this moment, because things inside of me are very much in flux still and still shifting and I'm not exactly sure yet where this will have me end up in my practical daily and business life.
I have thought for at least a decade that my soul purpose was my creativity, it set my soul alight, it made me so happy. But somehow, I have known for years now that I was missing a very important piece of the puzzle. I've been searching and searching, constantly tweaking, and every time I thought I'd found it, it didn't bring the result I hoped for. Not least, it didn't bring the actual income I was hoping for, worse, it brought almost no income. Because I did feel that this soul purpose would be intertwined with what I do for a living, I kept on trying.
So what makes me think I've found it now? Well, one part of it is that I now feel that my creativity is not actually the purpose but the tool. Subtle, but important distinction. My creativity is still one of THE most important pillars of my life, my inner fire, my personal joy, the main way I express myself and actually, I think, still a very important part for my professional future.
But, I've been feeling for over half a year now, especially the past 3 months, that my true path is, very simply put, spirituality and helping people through spirituality in both a 'therapeutic psychological' and practical way. To be more specific, as specific as I can get at this moment, witchcraft, astrology, divination and above all, creative spirituality.
I'm just devouring all things witchcraft and astrology at the moment. I'm alight with all this information that is so rapidly clicking within me all over the place, in all the farthest corners of my mind and soul, in a way it's never done before. To paraphrase Mrs Potts "I am bubbling, I am brewing".
At the moment I am working a lot with my astrology, I am doing a full deep dive into the whole of my birth chart, researching all the components and writing it all out and I'm loving it! I've been working on it for 2 days already and I'm not even 10% of the way there, but that's okay. It's helping me form a much clearer picture of who I am and what my full potential is.
I've always been a spiritual person, I've always 'dabbled' in witchcraft, always done little rituals, always prone to meditating on life questions and checking in with my intuition through divination like consulting oracle cards. But somehow it's always felt like something that hovered around the edges. I'd always been wanting to set aside time to study all the witchy things I've always felt drawn to, but never seemed to have the space for in my life because I was always busy, chasing creative 'success'.
So, I deliberately took a few months off this past Autumn to study more, to really settle in with both feet into my spiritual roots. Because, why not? Covid had completely derailed my business, I was becoming more and more aware of the feeling that I was looking for a profound change, and I decided to get off the hamster wheel in my own head and ego.
I took some time and felt content with having settled into knowing what my spiritual practice actually was. I picked up some new threads in my creative business again in the new year part of the Winter and thought I'd find my path in a more digital way in the near future.
And then came March. I had drawn the same oracle card 2 months in a row telling me that something from a past life was standing in my way. Yes, I believe in past lives, if this is all getting too kooky for you now and you have to run for the hills, I understand, but I am finally following my full bliss, so I am rambling on ;-) I booked a session with my medium friend and therapist I've been going to my whole adult life and within one session the whole past lives mess was on the table, ready for me to sort out.
Right on the heels of this session an online spiritual coaching course that I had won (yes, won! How lucky was that?? Or was it? :-D ) from a lovely colleague I'd met back in Heerlen where my art studio used to be (NL based lovelies, if you want her info, message me, she is immensely helpful!). This course somehow helped me unlock the blockage that had been keeping me on a side path instead of my true path. You know, I still don't know exactly how I did that, I just felt this almost physical sensation of gears clicking into place, click click click, one after another, and it was going so fast, I had a hard time keeping up with what was all clicking. During this course I started to light on fire inside more and more and felt this energy surge swelling up. A vague concept for a book was forming. A non-fiction book on using creativity in combination with spirituality. And maybe a creative spiritual practice linked to this.
But, to tell you the truth, as much as I felt that energy swelling, I also kind of felt overwhelmed because I felt it needed to land somewhere and where I was still standing was not the right place for it to land. It was all chaos inside my mind and in my soul. Wonderful chaos, though. And then my birthday came along in April and I got some witchy and astrology books. It's not like I hadn't read quite a few witchy books already, but suddenly it all started landing in a different way, with these new books, and they made me go back to the books I already had. I joined a lovely modern witch group on Facebook and started listening to podcasts.
And I found that the path I'd been on for a decade was actually a path that was both leading to this, that gave me the most important tool for what is coming, but also a path that was right next to the 'right' path. I feel now that my path is in living and working in my witchy spirituality and using it, along with my creativity, to help people. To help people help themselves. I want to be a professional witch, so to speak. A spiritual guide, in both a therapeutic way and a practical way. I realised that without knowing it, I have been doing this all my life already. I've always had a strong intuition and have always tapped into other people's moods and issues. It was actually something that caused me a lot of trouble when I was a lot younger. People have always come to me for help and advice. It often made me lose myself. But now I'm older and know myself much better, I know much better how to use it and actually help people who want to be helped instead of breaking my head on walls from people who don't actually want to be helped yet. And I know how to do it without losing myself now.
I can't really say yet what exactly is to come. I have lots of ideas, but I need to do some more studying and distilling, as I'm just happy right now to be a sponge for ALL THE THINGS witchy, astrology, esoteric and creative spirituality. But at least now you guys know a bit about what's going on and that big changes in what you see from me, are still ongoing and still coming.

 

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