Last reflections of 2021: ADHD, Hypertension, and a better alliance between my inner Hermit and my inner Tastemaker

Hi lovelies, I hope everyone who celebrates anything in this last month of the year had lovely holidays so far. I definitely did, even though there were some hiccups as well, as there always are. This was the first year I was genuinely looking forward to the Winter holidays again, for the first time since my gran passed away. I revelled in the cosiness, I decorated to my heart's content and I worked on really great handmade and homemade gifts.

     

I celebrated Yule with a lovely friend with a ritual in the meadows near my home and she wrote me a great Numeroscope.
For Christmas I got wonderful presents, several awesome witchy books from my wish list which I can't wait to read (I've already started reading Mystical Stitches by Christi Johnson and it's amazing! I will definitely be writing a review on that soon! Told from a Human Design perspective: as a Generator this book is one big continuous Yes for me, while reading it I constantly feel this excited tingle in my belly and I want to pick up my embroidery ideas for the new year), a gorgeous and cozy new teapot, a super cute pair of pants that my mum made for me and a new supply of her homemade sambal tomaat and red pepper sauce. The cats loved helping us unwrap our presents in bed, until they got distracted by the pigeons outside of course, as you do. I've really been enjoying this Winter holidays hibernation time, I've been watching sugary Christmas movies, eating all the candy leftovers from Christmas and reading in my new books.

 

So now here we are then, in those liminal last few days of the old year just before we're carried over into the New Year. Always a good moment to look back on the year and make plans for the new year while still in hybernation, the place where my inner Hermit is happiest.
These last few weeks of the year have been really clarifying for me. On the threshold of the new year a lot of information has still been gathering towards me so that I can make better, more aligned plans for myself for the new year.
This is the year I finally had to start taking medication to lower my blood pressure. Hypertension has been an issue I've been dealing with (knowingly anyway) for over 5 years. I've been through several sets of tests to figure out whether it comes from anything other than genetics, but now I know, that nope, it's genetic and I will have to take medication so as to not put too much strain on my heart to keep doing its job comfortably. Those of you who've been with me for a few years already know that in 2016 I'd been dealing with a lot of health issues, back then I got them calmed down by learning meditation, watching my salt and especially my licorice root intake (seriously, it's in everything! especially in all the tea!), and generally taking care of myself better.
Through this journey this year where my hypertension cropped up again, my cottage and kitchen witchery has really helped me deal with the high blood pressure. I've always loved food, and I've always been interested in how food can be used for our general (or specific) wellness, and my kitchen witchery has helped me navigate the much stricter dietary changes that I needed to make. I will write a blog post about this soon, and these past weeks I've realised I'm even hoping to write a book about it, snippets of text and recipes keep popping up in my head.
But here's the thing, the finding out my hypertension now really needs to be medicated was just a side quest from a different search. Because over the past 2 years a crazy fatigue developed that I could not figure out. Turns out, the fatigue was not actually physically caused, I have ADHD predominantly Inattentive Type (which was called ADD in the past). ADHD is another one of those question marks that's been floating in my head for years. This year my youngest sibling got their ADHD diagnosis and I know that ADHD runs in families and my sibling is not the only one with ADHD in our extended family. I'd been reading up for a while on how ADHD is quite underdiagnosed in adult women, because it presents so differently from the cliché image we have of it. Because the internal health specialist (it's called an internist in Dutch, is that what it's called in English as well?) said that the hypertension could not be causing my fatigue and there was nothing else physically causing it, she advised me to explore my ADHD question mark.
So, about 4 months and a whole diagnosis process later, a day before Christmas I got my diagnosis. And for me it turns out that not only am I susceptible to burn-out which used to happen when I worked in retail, I'm also very susceptible to bore-out. Bore-out causes the same symptoms of fatigue, depressed feelings and stress that burn-out does, but it's caused by essentially being so bored, so under-challenged that it becomes exhausting.
I had never heard of this phenomenon, I stumbled upon it in a podcast by an ADHD coach for women, Jorna Postma. I was a bit flabbergasted that this apparently is a thing, but everything fell into place for me when I read more about it. It turns out that among other things the isolation of all the Covid lockdowns is causing bore-out for a lot of people with ADHD. There's also a lot of falling away of routine and structure and loss of work rhythm.
So while my inner Hermit was revelling in the freedom to explore my inner self so much (which I definitely did love), my inner worker bee was bored out of its skull. From what I know from my own Astrological birth chart, my Human Design make up and the Numeroscope that my friend wrote for me, I've realised there's a tension between different parts of me, which I need to find a balance for. There's a part of me that really is best described as my inner Hermit (it comes from among other things my Cancer Moon, my 8th House Sun, my stellium in the 4th House, but also from my Human Design profile line 2, and then there's the ADHD inattentive type that loves to spend time in its inner dream world), but there's also the outgoing and busy worker bee part of me that loves to work and share with like-minded people and needs some attention from the outside world now and again (this comes among other things from my Aries Sun, my stellium in Sagittarius, my Venus and Midheaven in Gemini in the 10th House, but also from my Human design profile line 4 and my strongest sense being Taste which makes me a Tastemaker, and being a Generator).
I now have to really find a balance between these energies that are all a part of me. And I have to find a new way of honouring those needs, as my previous way of working with social media was not working for me anymore. The break I took from my Facebook page and the very sporadic posting on Instagram has really done me a world of good. I really want to be watchful to not fall into the trap again that these social media lay for everyone, but which are extra tricky for neurodivergent people. So I'm now going to work with my therapist and also all my own constantly expanding knowledge of spiritual personal development modalities on finding a balance that works for me, so that I can set up this new incarnation of my business that I talked about in my last post in a way that works better for me and for the people that I hope to serve with it, than the last incarnation.
So, onto the new year and nourishing my inner worker bee with all my new plans!
I hope you all have a wonderful, safe and happy New Year, and I hope all your dreams come true.

 

Comments

Deirdre’s year

Wow, so much info and close to the heart

Thank you, lovely ❤

Thank you, lovely ❤

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